Relationship Dynamics

Each of us carries from childhood an unconscious image in our minds that guides us in the selection of our partner.  When we meet that person who fits the image, we experience a powerful romantic attraction.  This process of choosing a partner can be problematic, however, because the method we have used to select our mate is based on a composite picture in our unconscious of our total experience with both our mother and our father, with all their positive and negative attributes. 

As children, these characteristics of our parents helped us to distinguish our parents from other adults so that we could remain connected to them.  In adulthood, these characteristics serve to guide us to a partner who is similar to our parents and with whom we remake the connection to our past issues. 

Our hope is to get certain needs met by the partner that were not satisfied by our parents.  Since the partner is like aspects of the parents, however, the partner is likely to become a catalyst for some of the same unresolved issues within our childhood rather than the nurturing source we had hoped he/she would be.  After an initial honeymoon period, we can be confronted with the reality of our old issues!  Still, the relationship represents a chance for both partners to heal their childhood issues by working them through to resolution with each other. 

The most important behavior is to create a conscious relationship and begin a time of growth and healing.  It is to be aware that we are being called in the relationship to bring our adult awareness and learning to problems of love that we could not solve as children.