Nurturing the Hungry Heart:  Why Do We Overeat?

Hunger exists in many forms.   There is the hunger for food, but also the hunger for love,  for purpose, for truth . . . and the hunger for a life that reflects that truth. 

When an individual consistently or compulsively overeats,  overeating may be unconsciously aimed at satisfying a hunger for something other than just food.  Why does a person overeat?  And what can be done about the overeating pattern?

It would be important to recognize that the primary driving forces underlying overeating are often our deeply hidden wishes and fears. Understanding this is the first step toward feeding the true hunger. 

Next, it is essential to become aware of any medical problems that might contribute to the overweight condition.  Once that is addressed, if you are consistently unable to lose weight or keep it off and find yourself overeating, while you may be aware only of your wish to be thin, you must recognize that another wish does exist, whether it is conscious or unconscious.  Your wish to be thin must override all your other wishes for it to be fulfilled.

It is often astonishing to become aware of our internal wishes that have been operating without our awareness.  While many reasons may exist for overeating and carrying excessive weight, some people unconsciously overeat as a way of symbolically recovering the feeling of a lost union with their mothers.  Eating has little to do with real hunger, but rather relates to a hunger for love.  Eating is accompanied by the safe feeling of being nurtured and fed. 

Some people use food to comfort themselves and have learned that when they cannot have another object (a person or thing), that they can have food to soothe themselves.  In their families of origin, was food a substitute for love or nurturing or was it closely connected to nurturing or positive feelings?

It is also quite common for overeaters to eat when they feel depressed.  Still other people overeat to fill up the feeling of emptiness inside themselves.  This feeling of emptiness can be a sense of inner impoverishment of feelings or connection to a loving source.  Gaining weight might also be a way to keep others distant.  For example, if I feel I am too heavy, I won't engage in certain activities or be with certain people, and so on.

If you are aware that your eating symbolically represents supplying love or nurturing to yourself, then it is critical that you also realize that overeating is not actually going to fulfill those needs.   On a short-term basis, eating may successfully “fill you up,” but that feeling of comfort you obtain while eating is quite temporary.  Afterward, you may feel worse than you did before you ate the food.  So what can you do to break the overeating pattern––to feed the hungry heart?

Begin with reasonable expectations about what type of body you want to have.  Then recognize that diet, exercise, and the feeding of your emotional hungers will be necessary to achieve that body.  Commit to your desire to have that body and recognize that nurturing yourself with a good book, a friend, a massage, or a supportive group event is wonderful heart food and will fill you up far greater.  

When you find yourself feeling “hungry” (especially when you have just eaten a reasonable meal), try journaling about those feelings of hunger.  What emotions are you feeling at that time?  Jot them down and try to uncover the roots.   Our society gives us many mixed messages about food.   We pay lots of attention to what we eat and little to why we are eating.   What does the eating actually mean?  And what’s eating at you? 

The way to be healthy and consistently fit is to resolve the conscious and unconscious fears or desires that cause us to overeat.  Essentially, to lose weight and to keep it off, we may have to alter our diet and exercise, but most importantly we must gain awareness into our conscious and unconscious reasons for eating.  Holding awareness and committing to living more consciously are the keys to success.