This section of the website will be an ongoing question and answer forum.  Please send your questions to Cynthia at heartliving@cox.net.  Questions that are of general interest will be included in this section.

Question:  You've heard the saying "I am my own worst enemy."  Well, I am!  What can I do to build my self-esteem so that I don't put myself down so much?  Even when people compliment me I rarely feel good about it.

Based on what I'm hearing in your question, your tendency is to put yourself down or not feel that you are as good as someone else.  This is often a self-defeating behavior that truly becomes a way of living.  First, it might help to look at why you might be your own worst enemy.  Certainly, you could go back into your past and perhaps come up with reasons from your childhood as to why you developed this tendency.  Some reasons for perpetuating this type of behavior are as follows:

The real question is "How can you become your own advocate?"  This may call for an entire shift in your consciousness about life and how you participate in it.  For example, what if life is an opportunity to discover what you have to offer the world and what the world has to offer you?  What if you are here to discover your true self?  Part of this process will involve other people mirroring back to you your strengths and your challenges.  When someone compliments you, consider that they may be right about you, no matter how hard it is to accept.  Remember that they don't suffer from the biases you hold about yourself. 

You may also be acting in a self-defeating way in order to protect yourself against the jealousy and envy of others.  This comes from an attitude that there are not enough good things in life for everyone.  For example, if someone puts you down, you may agree that you really aren't good as a way to keep the person from further attacking.

When you catch yourself putting yourself down, shift your thinking immediately to something about yourself that is positive.  Keep a gratitude journal, even if you simply list 3 things each day that you are grateful for about yourself and your life.  Write down the compliments that you receive.  Remember that there are enough good things in life for everyone!  Participate in consciousness-raising groups or individual work that will help you to re-frame how you treat yourself.  You can't really rid yourself of negative thinking without trying out some positive behaviors and shifting the way you hold things to be. 

Question:  This is a two-part question:  Does regular exercise release energy in the body in the same way that certain bodywork methods do?  and How else can you release negative energy from the body?

In general, while certain types of exercise may help release energy in the body (such as Yoga, Tai Chi, etc.), other exercise methods may actually tighten the muscles.  While strenuous exercise can keep you in shape and help you let go of nervous energy, types of exercise like weightlifting and bodybuilding actually tighten the muscles and may create muscle-held blockages and tensions rather than release them.  Alternative therapies, such as Breathwork, Reiki, Acupressure, Rolfing, Bio-energy, Manual Lymph Drainage, Cranial-Sacral, and so on, will help to release tensions and negative energies in the body.  Consult literature on various types of bodywork to see what will best meet your needs and, if applicable, address symptoms.

Bodywork is certainly an important way to enhance personal growth and release negative energy, but so are the many ways that you can work on yourself.  Some of these ways include meditation, group work, spirituality work, psychotherapy, processing, journaling, dancing, drawing, to name a few.  Most of all, don't limit your work to analytical, thinking types of processing only.  The feeling side must also be expressed and developed in terms of body, mind, and spirit.

Question:  Can you explain what is meant by "Third Eye" in terms of spiritual language?

The "Third Eye" or the Sixth Chakra center, as it is also known, is a primary center of our intuition.  Chakra here, which is Sanskrit for "spinning wheel," refers to an energy center.  The Third Eye chakra is located in the center of the forehead, just above the eyebrows.  It is here that the capacity for intuitive knowledge and deep feeling in general is activated.  In an interesting way, the Third Eye represents the joining of the right- and left-brain functions.  The left-brain function refers to the logical, rational mind whereas the right-brain function refers to the intuitive, creative, feeling side.  When the Third Eye is strong and activated, we bring into joint venture the right- and left-brain functions.  While we continue to reason and think in a rational way, we activate a more balanced experience of thinking and feeling.  Individuals who have strong Third-Eye functioning are often highly intuitive and in some cases may have clairvoyant (seeing the spiritual realm), clairaudient (hearing the spiritual realm), or clairsentient abilities (feeling the spiritual realm as well as others' unspoken pain). 

Question:  When I find myself feeling depressed, I fill up my time with things that keep me busy.  Eventually, I feel a kind of emptiness in that I'm still depressed but just not focusing on it, I guess.  What can I do to work with this since I have heard you say "The only way out is through."  How can I work to get through my feelings?

This is a really good question because it points to something we all do from time to time, and that is, to fill up our time with activities so as not to feel our feelings.  So, as I understand it, when you are lonely and depressed,  you find yourself responding to this feeling by suppressing it.  The suppression takes the form of diversions, such as activities that keep you from being really present with your feeling.  In seeking to avoid being depressed, you are actually rejecting the feeling, and in doing so, rejecting a part of yourself.  In this way, you get rid of the loneliness temporarily but may find yourself locked into a cycle of depression and diversion.

"The only way out is through" implies that the only way to work with and release the depression is by moving into it.  In other words, you would allow yourself the opportunity to feel it, give it space, and thereby integrate it.  While you may feel that experiencing the feeling of the depression would be overwhelming, you would survive the feeling and actually lessen the intensity of it as you stayed with it.  Another favorite saying  is "What you resist persists."  We could apply that principle here since when you do not allow the feeling of depression to be felt, the depression persists.

Question:  My friend tells me I have some unresolved issues from the past that he thinks are affecting me in the present.  Will it really help me in the present to bring up issues from the past?  I feel like I've moved beyond them.  What is something I can do on my own to work with the past?

It is okay to question whether going back into the past is pertinent to being in your life right now.  I believe that most often it is since the past is often symbolic of the present.  It may hold a trigger or hook as related to your current situation.

Even though you are living right now, it is often helpful to work with feelings about past events.  Often painful, unresolved issues affect what is happening in the present.  When you work through past issues, it does not mean that you are going back to live in the past.  Often when you return to old memories, you will find that something is crying out for release.

A technique that may help you is to allow yourself to go back to a particular painful incident and bring it into your awareness as you sit quietly.  State the intention that you will review the incident from the "Witness" standpoint.  What if you could hover above the scene and view it?  As feelings come up, stay the witness to them.  If there are certain issues that feel too painful to move into, they are usually the most pertinent ones that are needing attention.  They are also possibly influencing you in ways that you may not suspect in the present.  What was the meaning of them in the past?  What is the meaning now?  How is my current situation like the past and how is it not like the past?

When you go back into the past, you may or may not gain understanding right away.  Most importantly, just allow the feelings to come up and experience and accept them.  This will help to integrate the feelings, and understanding will most often occur as a result of integration.

One of my favorite quotes is "The only way out is through." 

And then there is the question of "When is enough, enough?"  Carolyn Myss, medical intuitive and author, says that we all get in the wounded boat to travel from one shore to another in our lives.  The key, as I understand her view, is to eventually get out of the boat.  If you start to find that there is "power" in your wound, you will hold onto it.  That type of power is not true power.  So, yes, when you "feel" that you have moved through the feeling (and I think you will know when this occurs), you move on.

Question:  When trying to heal old wounds is it necessary to express a feeling in order to release it?  In other words, do I have to outwardly cry and have a certain expression of that feeling in order to release a deeply wounded place in me?

As you get in touch with an old wound and work to heal it, you may or may not have a deep outward expression of your feeling.  The main way to release a feeling is to allow it to enter your consciousness without resistance.  When you do not resist the depth of your feeling (whether that is anger, sadness, shame, etc.), the act of not resisting it helps set the conditions for the healing. 

The feeling definitely does not have to be acted out outwardly in order to be released.  While release (especially in body work) is often accompanied by sounds, movements, or crying, you do not need to express feelings outwardly in order to release them.  The key would be to bring your suppressed feelings into consciousness without any resistance. 

Question:  Would you help me to understand the difference between being judgmental and using discernment?  Sometimes I feel that I am discerning something about someone, and my friend tells me that I am being judgmental.

Question:  I believe that my biggest problem is the need to feel in control of things in my life.  I know that this limits me.  Can you help me to understand why I have such a strong need to be in control?

Control is an issue for many people.  We feel that we need to be in control of what is happening both within us and around us.  When things feel out of our control, we get anxious.

The most important thing to understand is that control is an illusion.  We are never really in control. In fact, often the more we try to be in control, the less in control we feel.  Even though most people focus on the need to control their outer circumstances, what they may really be trying to control or influence are their inner feelings, usually their fears.   By trying to be in control of what we feel, we are in a sense rejecting parts of ourselves. 

For example, does controlling what is going on around you help you to feel more in control of what is going on inside you?  In that sense, staying "in control" may cause you to cut off a part of yourself that is desiring expression.  We often try to control feelings that are painful or fearful or that don't match our beliefs about ourselves. 

It may be helpful to ask yourself:  By controlling these outer circumstances, what am I trying to control inside myself?  What is my "pay-off" for staying in control in this way?  What might I be afraid of feeling?  What would happen if I surrendered the need to control?  What would it mean to give up the struggle?

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